It’s that time again, time to ring in a new year and thus some introspection seems to be appropriate. I resolved a couple of years ago not to make any New Year Resolutions and I intend to stick with this. I have found that generally trying to be fit and healthy every day has done more for me than a concerted push where I feel pressure to live up to a self imposed deadline and target that, in all reality, I am unlikely to get to ultimately ends in failure
!
This year has in many ways been a fairly good one, I have had some regular teaching work which has taken in a variety of year groups and enabled me to keep developing my career. I have done some writing, and while the realisation that I may not be the next J K Rowling was not an earth shattering revelation it has given me the freedom to write what I want to write and enjoy doing it without unreasonable expectations clouding the way. I got to go back to one of my favourite places, Florida and Walt Disney – not only does Mickey Mouse now come dressed up as the sorcerers’ apprentice bit it is warm there!
I also got to visit one of my other favourite places having been lucky enough to get tickets in the ballot, Wimbledon. I took Imp to his first tennis tournament at the o2 which thankfully he enjoyed and so can be repeated and got to celebrate with friends in a round of significant birthdays.
So what of 2018? Well I will be back studying psychology, I really do enjoy it and think that the decision to do literature over philosophy/ psychology all those years ago was definitely the wrong one, but moving forward I have the opportunity to put that right and still study. One way or another I will bring an end to my supply teaching, my favoured course would be to find a permanent position either full or part time. With my own significant birthday approaching rapidly and the children settled into school now is the time for me to begin to further my own career. New adventures begin for the children as Hpops joins the Navy in the CCF at school, takes GCSE options and completes her bronze DofE award. Imp will move into the second year of senior school in September and Pixie her last year of junior school, how time flies!
I am looking forward to the many trips and adventures already planned, some with family members and others with honorary family members. We will be celebrating the New Year at home this year, we were invited to a celebration but we have decided not to attend. Not because we didn’t want to but to give Imp a break. Over the last year or so we have been going through the diagnostic process with him after he was referred to his school youth worker about 18 months ago due to social problems at school. He does have friends but finds it difficult to keep hold of them and is prone to what can only be descried as toddler tantrums. I have avoided talking about it too much but with the holiday season and lack of routine behaviour deteriorates. He currently has a provisional diagnosis of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and is considered to be mild. We have the final appointment in February half term when the diagnosis will be fully determined.
In the main he is OK, he copes academically at school but team games can be difficult. Confrontation is a no-no and the random singing and shouting has got worse. There is little or no impulse control and social gatherings can be difficult and is usually dealt with by a screen to occupy him or food! It became apparent in the initial appointment that he had a lot of indicators, some I had been aware of for a while but had never considered worthy of a diagnosis as he seemed to be coping but of late this has changed to some extent. At a time when waiting times for these particular clinics are heavily over subscribed I wondered if it was worth the hassle. For him though it is – he has some self awareness and knows he is ‘weird’ in his words! Knowing his brain processes differently and finding out what we need to do to help him get on will help us all. Instead of being a difficult child we can understand there is a reason for his thoughts and feelings. This does not make him any easier to cope with.
He, like many other children, is very stubborn but this can manifest itself at any time and severely! If things are not going his way we risk meltdowns and yelling. With no impulse control this can result in him acting rashly and running off, indeed when he was little we used to have ‘Imp watch!’ presuming he would grow out of it but it has stayed with him! Arguments about why he can’t do something, go somewhere, buy something can last for hours and don’t even get me started about why his school tie has been made so long just because it will annoy him when he tries to put it on! I have encountered prejudice outside the home as well, when he is in a mood and we are trying to stop him from acting out he gets loud. He did this at a recent evening out and I overheard someone say to her child, about the same age as Pixie; ‘Come away that child has a disability and we don’t know what he’ll do!’ I was horrified for him, mortified for myself but appalled for her child. ASD is difficult to deal with, teaching other people to judge others and discriminate like that is not OK!
His mood often determines how much risk I am willing to take in terms of going out, over the summer holidays his time was pre-planned and there was a routine, any time anything spontaneous came up he would often cause problems! When he is excited this also caused problems as his inability to channel this means he acts out and this was true on the day we were meant to be seeing Penn and Teller at the Apollo! After the fiftieth time of hitting the ball against the window and being told yet again to stop he whacked it at his sister, not great but the final straw was when he then smashed a garden ornament. He and I missed the show while Mr T and the girls went as we are trying to teach him how to get along with others and do as you are told. We know he can do it as he tends to cope at school! So, this year we have decided to stay at home for New Year, my friends have all been fantastic and cope well with him, and me, but tensions within the family rise and risk boiling over as his issues build up over the day. One of his current things is having to go to bed on time, even if we have told him it is OK to break the protocol that day because of a special event. Twice we had to leave something earlier than planned because he was starting to get connected and a meltdown was becoming imminent. The constant clock watching would become unbearable so we thought being home allows him to go to bed on time and if he wants get up to see in the New Year! I will miss them all dearly but for me it is a way of clinging onto the small amount of sanity left after the school holidays!
Learning to cope has been hard, Mr T has travelled a lot this year but music provides a positive outlet for him, so now as well as viola he is learning to play the drums. Drama is also a keen interest for him. Trying to be fair to all the children is hard and saying no to invitations can be isolating and difficult for them to understand. I am hoping that when we attend the appointment in February we will get a better insight into how to help, indeed a local charity has given us some ideas as well as the OU course I did last year but there are times when I simply don’t know how to get through to him. Every day there is a battle whether it be the beans touching the other food on his plate, the tie being too long or the tantrum because I haven’t let him buy even more sweets! Sometimes therefore it is easier to say no, put the TV on, the fingers in your ears and just let the world go by without you.
So this year I want to help him, I want to understand how to help him so we can say yes to more things without the knot in my stomach that something will set him off, that he won’t be judged for all the wrong reasons and that he will continue to get on at school. That being said this is also the year I want to go back to work in a steady position and establish my own routine with work. I want to try and keep writing and to remain healthy. I want to take new opportunities and help the children grow into young adults. It is also the year I will take Hpops to see YouTubers for the first time, yes Dan and Phil are booked in for May in London -(yippee!) and hopefully even more tennis and live theatre. It is a year when I will give up my time to volunteer for a charity, DBS has been approved and I feel I have been lucky enough to receive the wisdom of those who have trodden the path before me and now it is time to give some of that back. Life is full of ups and downs and I am reminded of that often when I reflect, but it is my job to plough through, head held high as much as possible and that is what I will continue to do, with my fingers firmly crossed for a good year!
This all sounds rather negative but it isn’t we are all still here, we are all still able to laugh and spend time together, play games together and make new memories, learn new skills. We welcome a new dog into the family who we get to see grow up. We get to watch the children grow and make their own paths in the world with as much support as they need. I have family and friends who I can talk to and rely on and there are books to read, tennis matches to cheer on and roller coasters to ride. To risk a cliche, life is not a rehearsal, you have to get on with it and make the best of it. For me, at the moment, that sometimes means being at home and keeping calm, at other times venturing out into the world! Wherever you are, whoever you are with I hope 2018 is good to you. May you learn something new, try something new and cherish what you have! Happy new Year!
