It occurred to me recently that soon I will have two children in double figures and whilst that is scary,(makes me feel old!) it also gave me pause to stop and reflect on all they have achieved so far. All three are doing well at school and starting to think about what they enjoy and what they want to spend their time doing. Sometimes it seems all they want to do is play minecraft and go onto devices but it seems that many of their friends are doing the same thing. At the same time they do do a fair bit of exercise so can’t complain too much. Relationships are changing though, they are no longer dependent on me to cater to their every need, they can pour their own drinks, make a sandwich and so on. Nowadays it is more about getting them to various clubs, outings or school events on time. This is perhaps the biggest issue at times! All of them are getting to the age where peer pressure starts to appear and so the way they view themselves is changing. Gone are the days when I was allowed to choose their clothes, now they want to express themselves through their choices. Even pocket money is changing, apps track the jobs they have done and pays them so they are making more sensible choices and thinking more carefully about how to spend their money- valuable life skills. (we use Go Henry and so far so good.) Imp is continuing to overcome his Perthes and we all recently completed a 3 mile fun run -and as a family we are able to enjoy a bigger variety of outing. Despite the difficulties he has faced, and the ones we all faced as a family it seems strange to think of him in a wheel chair now. Although the memories are still vivid, and we remember the plaster trousers and downstairs bedroom it also seems to getting more distant, almost as if it happened to other people.
So all of this means that I need to take stock, I want to work now they are all at school all day. I have been back teaching and enjoying it and am looking at training to be SENCO which takes a year. Whether I do it in September 2016 or 17 depends on my work situation. If I manage to get a position 2-3 days a week which allows me to do it this year then I will do it. The main problem is finding a place that fits in with the kids holidays and activities. Imp is coming up to the transition of Year 6 and so don’t want to be too pre-occupied so if need be will hold off to help him through that. Pixie has another couple of years until that happens and Hpops is now well settled in senior school.
This leaves me with my writing, if I am honest that has taken a back seat recently. Last year I finished a draft of a kids book which still isn’t completely typed. (The computer eating some of the chapters and refusing to give them back didn’t help!) Tumbling 2 is planned but every time I start it, it doesn’t seem to flow properly and so keep latching onto other ideas and now have 3 or 4 projects that could be developed. So I considered what was holding me back? The answer wass pretty much myself. Fear of failure especially. What if the kids didn’t like the story I had created for them? What if the only reviews I get are bad? Does it matter? I don’t know these people and one way around it would be to use a pen name. I have been back to basics, using exercises to write character or setting sketches and weave them together. Using the ideas book to note things down as you hear snatches of conversations or see people out in the street.This way I can move forward. I know I need to do more research and flesh everything out a bit more as there is no excuse for lazy writing.
I have decided to try and pursue it again as a hobby, if it takes off and my career becomes one of a writer that is fine with me. If not I enjoy the act of creation and teaching is, for me a fulfilling occupation. I think sometimes letting go of expectations, stop worrying about others judgements and just doing something for yourself means you do a better job! So the years ahead look good,teaching where I can and potentially studying for a promotion, continuing with me psychology and philosophy studies and writing for myself. Maybe I will get a break like some of my friends who have gone on to have multiple book deals, or maybe the manuscripts will gather dust on a shelf but at least along the way I’ll have fun. As well as this I get to see the kids discover who they are, try new adventures and hopefully, now and again have these adventures in the real world – not the virtual one!
